After 5 months of working for a surf company designing sandals, I had a stark realization. Over the past year and a half of being on my own, working freelance, calling my own shots, and going whenever I wanted to go, I don’t fit into a corporate style office job any more. I don’t think I will fit in ever again.
Now I’m sure many of you reading this are like, corporate job + surf company does not equal up, and you would be right assuming this. I speak more of the inter office politics, layers of management that enforce artificial limits on what can or cannot be done. If a process is set up that is not efficient, or harmful, why is it a battle, or simply not possible to change it quickly to make everyone’s job or the product better. Usually the reason is because you are stepping on someone’s toes. That is the type of corporate inter-working I am referring too.
The fact that the job I took, wasn’t what I expected, or that the company wasn’t structured in a way I would prefer to work may have a part in my alienation from an in house design job, but my inclination is that this feeling runs deeper. I think I am addicted to being on my own.
I talked to the company and let them know that I wasn’t feeling the gig, and that I didn’t think I would be around long term. Of course, within a week they found a replacement. This was a bit of a shock to me, and I find myself scrambling to get ready to head back to the USA.
I am feeling very melancholy about the whole ordeal. After 10 years of thinking about this around the world, multi-year travel, it looks like my big trip is coming to an end.
Amazingly much of this trip has gone roughly to plan. I knew I would return broke and ready to get to work. I was hoping to have clear direction into a business I wanted to get into. I think I have that. I was hoping to have met some people that I might someday or today start working with. I might have that too.
I don’t know how to get to where I want to be, and don’t really know the people that will guide me there, but now is the continuance of my search. I have proven to myself that money is not my motivating factor, and that I can survive with stress and fear in my life. I am ready for the next step. Now its time to figure out what that is, and then how to do it.